Brokenness.
My life seemed to be full of it. Immersed in it. My song seemed to be one of darkness and despair.
The moment my mom emerged from my dad’s hospital room to tell me he was gone has forever shaped my life.
Seeing my siblings fall apart, my dad’s best friend break, and my mom start life without her best friend laced my life with deep sorrow.
I battled with anger. I yelled at God. I ignored him. I began to push the hurt so deep that I was numb.
My life become a meaningless pit that I painstakingly maneuvered through on my own.
Or so I thought.
Yet, God pursued me. He loved me despite my desire to drive him away. He cared for me even in my darkest moments when I hated him. He was there when I was wrecked with sobs. He was there when I thought my heart could not go on. He was holding me when my world seemed to be crumbling around me. And he taught me that he was my rock – not my dad.
I still have a daddy-shaped hole in my heart.
There are hurts that are still not healed.
But God is in the business of picking up our pieces.
He is in the business of calming our storms – even when we yell at him.
He carried me when I was beside myself with grief and loss.
The one verse that got me through was two words – “Jesus wept,” (John 11:35).
Jesus wept for Lazarus. He wept. He wept even when he knew he was going to bring Lazarus back to life. He wept because our God is a God of compassion. I know this for a fact.
I was NEVER alone.
God has been picking up my pieces—my broken pieces that have been shattered all over. He picks them up even though they cut and sting him. He picks them up without hesitation.
My broken pieces are never too much for him to handle.
My broken pieces will never cause him to give up on me.
My God was near to me: “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit,” (Psalm 34:18).
Your pieces are not too much or too burdensome for God to pick up. Your brokenness does not drive him away and your anger does not scare him. He loves you. He wants to walk with you – broken pieces and all. Call out to him. He loves you.
carley davis says
SARA! so proud of you for sharing who you are. Because of your honesty others can experience healing. Thank you for reminding me that we are never alone, and we never were alone even when we felt like that was the case. Keep sharing this story for it does not define you, but is evidence of the fact that pain shapes us all. You are SO LOVED.
Amy says
Sara, A beautifully written story about a very painful time in your life. Thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable and share what the Lord has done and is doing in your life.
Teisha says
Sara, your story is beautiful. you are beautiful. Thank you for sharing your pieces. It means the world. love you!