A normal person

They walk among us. You may have not noticed them, but they have noticed you. They are always watching and listening, unless they are reading. And they read a lot.

Who am I referring to? The Introvert. For those of you unfamiliar with this phrase, let’s begin with a look at its origin, because to understand the present, it is always important to understand the past. “Intro” in the Greek means “beginning.” “Vert,” according to the contemporary Roman historian Vergil, was the name of a young lad who escaped Troy and paddled his way across the Mediterranean to Italy where he started a library devoted to silence and logic. This marked the “Intro” that is the beginning of “Vertism,” those who follow in the order of Vert. They call themselves “Introverts.” This will serve as the historical backdrop of our discussion today.

Over the past few years, I have become increasingly intrigued by the Introverts among us. This interest spurred me to drastic action. I decided to spend the following three years of my life immersing myself in the Introvert culture and lifestyle.

What previous research has alluded to, my experience has confirmed—there is very little evidence to suggest that introverts are human. The primary observation that contributed to this conclusion was their ability to listen. While humans universally engage in conversation games, in which the alpha human gets more words into a conversation than the other, Introverts simply do not play the game. In fact, they avoid conversation at all costs.

Despite the difficulty this presented, I eventually pushed through the Great Barrier and was granted an interview. I sat down with an anonymous Introvert source to ask him a few questions.

“Tell me a little about your life as an Introvert,” I began.

“Well, uh…” he responded.

This was followed by 129 seconds of silence.

Even he became uncomfortable at this point, shifting his eyes and looking for an escape. And then the escape came, the oft said motto of Introverts everywhere: “Hey man, I just need to recharge for a bit. I’m going back to my room.”

I sunk in my seat, deflated. I began to wonder, and as I wondered I began to hope. Perhaps being an Introvert is a choice. There may be a way be a path into humanity—into the conformity of normal social interaction. Maybe there is a door in their bedrooms that leads out into the world of Normal People.

In the end my message is one of hope for those reading this, since most people who read are Introverts. There is a way out. Put down this article with all its fact-based claims and reasonable arguments and go to a party. Look around at the people jumping up and down and just jump. What is the reason for this exercise? By the 45^th dubstep song, you will feel so tired you will stop caring. And that my friends, is the secret to the normal human life. If it doesn’t work the first time, keep trying. It will wear you down eventually, and you too will stop listening, stop reading, and stop caring. The beat of the drum will fill the void and you will wake up a Normal Person.