Alone in an unknown terrain with no one to hold close when you need comfort.
A jungle full of mysterious sounds as you sit by yourself in a village, Bible in hand, preaching the gospel to people who’ve never heard it before.
For freshman Hannah Davis, this is her greatest fear. For two years, she has felt called to live overseas as a full-time missionary while also feeling like God has planted the desire in her heart to be a wife and mother. She’s afraid these two goals won’t coincide and she’ll have to give one up: the desire to be a wife.
Last semester during Biblical Literature with Dr. Gary Derickson, he told a story about a couple that had to break up in order to individually pursue God’s callings for their lives. The girl in this situation felt called to be a missionary overseas, just like Davis, but the guy felt called to be a pastor at a local church. They had to put God first and broke off the relationship to follow His callings for their lives. Derickson explained the need to trust God with everything and obey Him no matter what the costs. This scared Davis because she relates to this story. She hopes her story won’t end the same way.
The thought of being alone forever not only terrifies Davis, but affects the way she invests her heart into her dating relationships. Davis’ first boyfriend didn’t share her desire to be a missionary overseas. She was willing to give up this goal for him, but realized that wasn’t God’s plan for her life. She had to put God first and, as a result, the relationship ended. She doesn’t want to make the same mistake again. Living overseas is a non-negotiable goal for her and she’s not willing to give it up, even if it means living alone.
“At the end of the day I understand that Christ has given me these desires,” Davis said. She believes that since God has placed these two desires in her heart. He will provide and fulfill them.
“I have to trust that God will make it clear,” Davis said.
As Davis expressed, trust isn’t always easy, but she realizes that she tends to hold back and protect her heart; this happened in her past relationship. She made it clear that her long-term goal is to move overseas, but she was afraid her boyfriend wouldn’t share this goal. Ultimately, their relationship ended because their callings didn’t align.
“This solidified my fear,” Davis said.
Now when reflecting back to last semester, she sees how God was trying to communicate with her, trying to protect her heart.
“I was trying to fill my desires, but God slapped me in the face,” she said. She’s not going to look for someone “until God, in His timing, brings in the right guy.”
She says she needs to seek God first.
“Above all, I need to pursue the dreams God placed in front of me,” she said.