In a recent issue of The Statesman Journal, an article on Valentine’s Day told two stories. One couple with little money spend Valentine’s Day reading Valentine cards to each other in a store — they don’t buy any cards; they just have a great time — at no cost — sharing the humorous and romantic cards. The other couple, both in their 90s, simply enjoy the day together.
Students often ask me, “What are you and your husband doing for Valentine’s Day?” I am afraid I disillusion them when I reply, “Nothing.” But “nothing” is the answer. It is usually just another day, nothing special.
In retrospect, I find that sad. Maybe we should do something to celebrate the day. Maybe I should at least buy my hubbie a card or bake his favorite dessert.
But, after 55 years of marriage, we need nothing. Cards get discarded; desserts only add calories we don’t need.
I think of the song from “Fiddler on the Roof,” “Do You Love Me?” In that song, Golda sings to Tevye, “I suppose I do.” He responds, “And I suppose I love you too.” Unlike Tevye and Golda (whose parents planned their marriage), in my marriage, my husband has told me he loves me every day. Our daughter shares with friends that her dad tells her he loves her whenever they talk, and he did that every day of her growing up years. Her friends are amazed.
It is my belief that a woman will put up with nearly anything if the man she is married to truly LOVES her. (On the other hand, a man who truly LOVES his wife won’t mistreat her; he will care for and protect her.) I am reminded that I “fell in love” at 18 and married at 19. God blessed me with a husband who was supportive, hard working, loved the Lord, and loved me and our family. I have had no times where I felt alone or deprived or unloved; how sad that every woman can’t say that.
Love is doing for each other; doing more than your share; not keeping track of who did what when or whose turn it is. Love is not a 50/50 proposition. It is a 90/90 proposition, with both being willing to do more than his or her share. Marriage to your best friend — nothing can compare! And when that is your situation, every day is Valentine’s Day.
Christena Brooks says
Did you know that American’s spent $1 billion on Valentine’s Day cards this year? We didn’t buy cards, or much else for that matter … but, boy, are you right about every day being Valentine’s Day when you’re married to your best friend. No amount of red-and-white romancing will make up for an unhealthy relationship, while all the bumbling in the world can’t hurt real love.
Sarah Clews says
Wow. Thanks for writing, Ellen. I was just telling my husband today, I don’t feel like we need to make a huge deal out of Valentine’s Day because I’m thankful he is kind and loving to me every day. And like you said, Christena, no amount of “red-and-white romancing” can come close to that. I know there are jerks out there who live the day-to-day like their wife isn’t important, and then only on Valentine’s Day would they even do anything special or loving.