Winning an argument in the comments section on Facebook is an under-appreciated art. Only the best of the best know what it takes to come out on top — to feel the satisfaction of successfully shutting down someone else’s point of view. After surveying hundreds of comment-section arguments on the popular social media site over the years, the most important components have been gathered and are listed below for your convenience. First, find an appropriate article or video to comment on. This can be on any topic you choose, but keep in mind that some topics produce better arguments than others. However, don’t be discouraged — you can definitely start an animal cruelty argument on a video of cats getting brain freezes from licking ice cream. This being said, it is easier to debate with someone on more controversial topics, such as sexual assault cases or the upcoming presidential election. Always comment on an article or video that you disagree on. This is very important. You must let your voice be heard. You are not going to stand out if you comment the popular opinion.
Elyssa Fahndrich is a sophomore at Corban University. Photo by Morgan Beard

Elyssa Fahndrich is a sophomore at Corban University.
Photo by Morgan Beard

State your opinion as bluntly and matter-of-factly as you can. This will create an open invitation for people to come argue with you. Stand your ground. You might have to repeat yourself several times for your opponents to understand what your position is on the subject. Sometimes, they will realize they agree with you and apologize profusely for trying to say you were wrong. If your main argument turns out to be, “It’s just my opinion, and we have free speech in America, so deal with it,” make sure to emphasize that the First Amendment does not apply to your opponents at all; it must be obvious that their opinions do not matter if they disagree with yours. Once you have run out of actual, legitimate points to argue with, your next step is to attack your opponents personally. One way to do this would be to use belittling adjectives like “stupid,” “dumb,” or “close-minded.” Other options include calling them “morons,” “idiots,” or simply, “what is wrong with society.” Bonus points if you criticize their appearance by judging their profile photos. Finally, if you want to take it one step further, adding obscenities in every sentence tends to be the most successful in gathering everyone’s respect. In all cases, never make an attempt to intellectually debate a topic by respecting others and hearing all available sides of an argument. Those discussions cannot be “won” because people simply agree to disagree — this gets people nowhere, and it especially doesn’t open a healthy, safe discussion for differing opinions. Most importantly, if nothing else, make sure to sound as ignorant as you can — people love that. You can’t lose a Facebook argument if you never acknowledge that you’ve lost.